The Fly on The Wall

Confessions of a Start Up

Thursday, August 04, 2005

Boozeletter August

Forget the bank overdraft, the pains in the chest and this mornings argument with the budgie - its time to down tools and contribute to the betterment of society....yes, it’s time again for the Brewtopia Boozeletter

We have dropped the price of our Customised beers…we are simple folk and our tiered pricing conked our brains out– so our new price for ALL custom beer is …yes
$55.00! (Inc. Johnny Howard retirement fund tax)
Are we on the nose-candy? Why would we drop prices? Because the new brewery is up and steaming and we’re getting better rates – and so do you! So if you want to see your name up in lights, get CUSTOMERIZING NOW, before we awake from our delirium and jack the price up…!

So we get a call from the
AUSTRALIAN RUGBY UNION see, informing us that Toohey’s had asked them to request we remove the IMAGE with two Australian Wallabies, LOTE TUQIRI& BRENDAN CANNON who are holding a bottle of blowfly at a Flying Doctors dinner BREWTOPIA sponsored early last year. Toohey’s sponsor the ARU and NSW Rugby and didn’t take too kindly to a couple of boofheads with their insignificant beer (that doesn’t even compete with Toohey’s) having their mugs on some obscure website that no-one visits.
This is the kind of gear we’re up for, now that we’re challenging a few of the old archaic tenets this industry still harbors, so standby for some silly-buggers in the coming months.

BIGGER news for you lot who canny be bothered with Fathers Day Gifts. Let us do the work for you. Buy Pop a case of DADS DROP!! It went so well last year we decided to go again & make a sexy label & use the first beer from the NEW BREWERY in the bottle! We’re very particular about our beer, but the new Saaz Hops we discovered are cracking! (For those uninitiated, Hops are a close relative of our ol mate THE HALLUCINOGEN)

Get DAD wasted this Fathers Day & take a few happy snaps of him draped over the Doulton. Just $55 (you guessed it) IT’S ALL HERE
OK, time to get the voting pants on. We have been swamped with
HOFF labels on our BEERBUILDER. We want to know from you if you want us to whack up a Hoff Label. We’re thinking of calling it “HOFFTER’S” (ala Foster’s) or “CLOWN LAGER” (ah, why not!)
Here’s what to do: Email THEHOFF@BREWTOPIA.COM.AU and give it a yes or no.
Feel free to suggest any text you would like to see on the Hoff beer also. All responses go into the draw to win 5 cases of the beer if the ‘yeas’ win. It will also go on the site for sale and selected pubs.

As much we hate doing it, we think it’s time we gave to society and put into its hands one of our most loved girls behind the Brewtopia scenes.

If anyone is in the FASHION caper, knows someone who is, has a gig going or is looking for some new blood with plenty of European fashion experience, please drop us a line at BEER@BREWTOPIA.COM.AU. You’ll never get better!
…She Thinks I’m a Piano Player In a Whorehouse” is one of the funniest reads we’ve not had the pleasure of. The author is a good friend and did a cracking label based on the dope smoking orang-utan who served him a cocktail once. Say no more….

Next, if anyone has seen the
NEW Blowfly Label we’ve been knocking around (and you voted for) this time last year, you will notice its an old retro “Blowfly Beer ORIGINAL”
Only this month has the
OTHER brewing company re-released its most popular brand, Victoria Bitter (VB) as a retro label with Victoria Bitter ORIGINAL ALE plastered across it, in a not dissimilar fashion to ours.

Time to get out the nun-chucks?
(I’m sure when they find out about our Hoffter’s beer; we’ll have been in another scrap…)

Reminder about Fathers Day is coming to you over the next few weeks, so keep your eyes peeled
And to finish off, here’s a
FUNNY CLIP we found – takes about 3 minutes but I wish we’d thought of it!
Have a good rest of the week, & remember, if you’re going to have a crack, forget the wires and don’t bother with a safety net!
Anyone seeing the My Business magazine this week, keep your eyes peeled for the dashing pictures of myself and Larry on pages 19 & 20! (story is here for anyone with nothing to do WWW.MYBUSINESS.COM.AU)

Thursday, July 14, 2005

The Irony of It All!

I'm thinking of writing a piece on 'invertising' and 'polarising', 2 things we based our business on. Australias 'Corporate Watchdogs' have not been happy with the way have attempted to give value to our Brewtopia customers using these 2 methods and offering them a right to own the company before we published a disclosure document.

Our lawyers advised we were within the law to do what we did, but because we don't have deep pockets and I've got better things to do than argue with galoot bureaucrats, we've had to change all the wording on the benefit to the customer on the site, so we can avoid not insignificant fines for Corporate Breach.
(In fact ASIC wouldn't talk to us directly, they insisted they deal only with our lawyers, to ensure we rack up some tidy legal bills on top of all the other bullshit)

Irony is beautiful thing though! They don't want us to pre advertise an offer for shares or have anyone show any interest in applying for shares, so here's what they asked us to do:
Send an email to all of our database, saying that they CAN'T apply for securities yet until we have a prospectus! Which on the basis of the feedback we have from that email to our members has been the best advertisement ever - we have reams of emails asking to be sent the prospectus as soon as its off the press! Better results in fact than ANY gear we've ever put on the site... !

God I love this country!

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

The Knives are out!

Well it's started! As soon as we announce we're having a crack at the big boys, we get both the brewing duopoly here in Australia arcing up.
Firstly, we get a call from the Australian Rugby Union telling us to remove the picture we have on our site of 2 Australian Rugby players who are both holding our beers in their hands. We have to remove them as they are under contract to one of the Duopoly, Tooheys, even though the picture was taken at a charity event that WE sponsored.

Next, if anyone has seen the NEW Blowfly Label we produced (and you voted for) you will notice its an old retro label with Blowfly Beer ORIGINAL on it.
Only this month has the OTHER brewing company re-released its most popular brand, Victoria Bitter (VB) as a retro label with Victoria Bitter ORIGINAL plastered across it, in a not dissimialr fashion to ours.

Ah, imitation is the highest form of flattery.

Up yours.

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Boozeletter 29 July

This is where the Blowfly Boozeletter is supposed to be

But I wrote it, and it was pure shi*te. Bad enough that even the wife gave it the thumbs down, so I’ve aborted the mission this time around.

However, here’s the latest on Brewtopia, because many of you want to know just what the buggery we’re up to. So here it is. In Telegram Style.

Brewtopia IPO Happening

Details of Prospectus on website soon

Your last chance to get a piece now of it now (exclamation)

Read nice IPO article here as proof we not lying (another exclamation),39023166,39198845,00.htm

Need distributor to get into USA (Stop) Really (comma) it’s pis*sing us off (Stop)
Send email to if you can help

Member of the week is Ace Flockhart (Stop) Just for having grouse name(Stop and exclamation)

Get Rid of any unused Budget for end of year (Stop) BUY CUSTOM BEER (Stop) Custom Orders received before end of week get beer for $50Stop and smiley face)

Our New Brewery now operational(Stop) Next Brew is from it(Stop)

Sorry, its bad to end a sentence on a preposition isn’t it

Brewtopia supplied beer for Big Brother (Stop) It’s our fault they are all dozey dipshi*its this year(Stop)

Brand new templates on beer builder (Stop) Have a crack

Interview with Brewtopia boss here (Stop)

Sign up for new weblog (Stop) Put link into aggregator

Give your thoughts ideas love letters and comments below

Right, back to work for you

Love the Brewtopia Boys

Stop It

No really stop